show me your t***

kenna - loose wires remix ft. the cool kids
http://www.zshare.net/audio/53368801a37cb5da/

Work that Work that Work that (HA)

Teriyaki Boyz ft. Pharrell & Chris Brown
http://www.zshare.net/audio/53203251075aaba0/

kanye...? what?

Grammy Award-winning rapper, record producer and shameless self-promoter Kanye West plans to ditch his music career in favor of fashion.

West, 31, tells the London Daily Mirror he'll move to the British capital next year to begin at the bottom rung with an internship at Louis Vuitton's UK HQ in Bond Street - or so he hopes.

"I'm going to go and take an internship and just do something that's like completely normal," he tells the paper, "and just rap at the weekends or something."

If the Vuitton gig doesn't materialize, West will apply at other major European fashion houses in hopes of learning the rag trade. Any fashionistas out there want a major pain in the ass to fetch coffee and such?

http://www.luxist.com/2008/12/14/kanye-west-to-quit-rap-for-job-at-louis-vuitton/

I Believe

...Man put it in believin. Believe in believin
Seein ain't believin, it's the feelin that we needin
Believe in each other. Put the question to the system.
They promisin returns? Then question what you're gettin
We should believe in the reasons we existin
Time for rennaisance to reawaken what is livin
Belief can confirm: make it is what it isn't
sometimes i wish i had belief when i didn't...

...People find belief when they don't find identity
Believe in your friends. Don't believe in your enemies
Mountains of doubts and disbelief are in front of you
Truth's on the other side. What you gon' do?...

newwwww

Clipse - Still Got It 4 Cheap ft. Pharrell
http://www.zshare.net/audio/52283337111c44c1/

neeewwwww

Common - Punch Drunk Love Remix
http://sharebee.com/bc36fd5a


This is the audio rip from the 'Make Sure Thy See My Face'-Bonus-DVD. An amazing short set of some underrated (Nep-)tunes.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?voczglludgj

01. Kenna - Baptized In Blacklight (Exclusive Performance)
02. Kenna - Static (Exclusive Performance)
03. Kenna - Better Wise Up (Exclusive Performance)
04. Kenna - Interview (Exclusive Performance)


GO GET THAT GRAMMY! ;)

Happy Birthday to ME

Fall Out Boy - W.A.M.S.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/5236277763405ffb/

keepin it real..

ok so Universal Mind Control.
definitely one of the cd's of the year.

Road to Till The Casket Drops Mixtape?
Mixtape of the year. hands down.
game over.

Clipse

Road to 'Til The Casket Drops'
http://ne.edgecastcdn.net/0002DA/cdn/complex.com/assets/music/122008/Clipse_Road_To_Till_The_Casket_Drops.zip

UMC

Common - Universal Mind Control (ALBUM)http://rs333.rapidshare.com/files/169241048/umc_320.rar

Common - Make My Day ft. Cee-Lo
http://rs514.rapidshare.com/files/168008740/common-make_my_day__featuring_cee-lo_.mp3
Common - What a World ft. Chester French
http://rapidshare.com/files/168700382/09-common-what_a_world__featuring_chester_french_.mp3

Dec 9th this cd is on sale for 99cents people.

GO GET IT

i'm excited

Common ft. Kanye West & Pharrell - Punch Drunk Love

http://www.zshare.net/audio/51820099961f6483/

Pharrell & Young Jeezy - Rumor Has It

http://rapidshare.com/files/166967706/pharrell_williams-rumor_has_it__featuring_young_jeezy_.mp3

being gracious to God

well i was at church this past sunday hanging out with the girls. lol
Helene Hindman asked all of us what we were thankful for. Some folks said their family, some said their friends. Some, their aunts and uncles even. i told her i, personally, was thankful for where God has me right now. i'm thankful for the people he's surrounded me with: my friends, my family, and all those folks in-between.
then Helene said that we should be thankful for God.
not smashing her statement because her heart's in the right place and i'm sure she means what i'm about to say. but i don't really think we should be thankful for God.
i mean think about it. When you're thankful for something, you're giving thanks to the person or whatever that gave you that something. you know?
if we were to be thankful FOR God, that would imply that he was given to us by something else or imply that he wasn't always here. The truth is God is and always has been. we can be thankful TO God for all he's given us and the such. We definitely should be thankful for Jesus. without him, people like me wouldn't be all up in that covenant. ya feel me? lol
but seriously. i don't feel like we should be thankful for God, but we should ALWAYS always ALWAYS be thankful to him. The great thing about God is he's not a robot or anything like that that runs on praise and thanks power. God is fine all on his own. but for those of us that know him like we know him, we know that we can't be in the presence of God and just NOT thanks and praise him. that's retarded.
Giving thanks to God should be like going number 1.
yes i said it!
how you ask?
well let's think about it.
i'll ask you a question: have you EVER ever EVER gone number 2 withOUT going number 1?

that number 2 represents when God makes a way or moves that mountain. that's when most people seem to come to God and thank him. but what about just whenever?
God doesn't stop working. just because he isn't moving some hardcore mountain doesn't mean he's not working in your life.

you should be always be able to thank him when you see that he does something, but never forget to be thankful to him just because he's good. Be thankful because when you should've been cut off, God was good and kept you in his grace and glory.

hope i don't sound like a raving lunatic.
lol

but honestly,
I employ you.
Give thanks to the Lord this Thanksgiving.

J

life lesssons from porn that we can all take to heart

*Pulled from a forum i go to*
1. All men have huge penises, even if they don't
2. Asian women have blurry pussies, or, in the worst of the cases, infinite black holes of nothingness!
3. Don't worry, everything fits
4. Amateur = small
5. Teen = below 40
6. Women always finish, even when they don't
7. Women have 2 extra clitoris, one in their mouth and the other between their breasts
8. If u find a woman pleasing herself she wont get embarrassed, she will fuck you
9. Bigger = better
10. Someone will like it no matter how disgusting it is
11. You will never get arrested if you do it outside.
12. Cum on their face. If they refuse to swallow your load, they'll lick it from their fingers instead. They'll say it's bitter.
13. Buttsex minus lube = no pain, only pleasure
14. No foreplay needed
15. 0% chance of pregnancy
16. Women will do insane things when slightly drunk/paid $50.
17. In Japan: Coprophilia, Rapes, Golden showers, Orgies of 500, Bukkake and other nastiness = Okay. Showing one's cock or pussy = NEVER.
18. Your typical porn film script consists in 3 basic step program: Suck cock, eat pussy, fuck (Japanese add a 4th basic which is the obligatory fingering with the girl peeing in the mattress).
19. Only white and black girls fuck from the ass. Asians never (or rarely).
20. Funk is the official music for pr0n. Any other type of music suck
21. If the girl is fucking from the ass, she MUST masturbate herself in the cooch or else there's no pleasure.
22) Woman NEVER say "no" to a facial!
23) Porn movies will often be parodies of popular movies.
24) STDs are non-existent.
25) Married women will always seize the opportunity to have sex with men they don't know.
26) Nudity in public is a-ok.
27) All women are bisexual.
28) It's not weird at all for people to observe you when you do it.
29) Even when wearing over-exposing clothes, women will be shy when approached
30) When a high school teacher is about to get it on with a male student, the student is damn near 30.

What the fuck are you doing 30 in high school? Please answer me!

31) Apparently if you fix anything, and even do a half assed job with it (I've honestly seen a repair man scenario where the guy open the furnace and rotate ONE FUCKING SCREW TWICE AND CLOSED IT). That's grounds for some free pussy.
32) If you have a van or anything similar to the bangbus. All you have to do is pull up to a woman, and she will get in, have casual conversation and fuck your passenger with no protection.
33) Filming from behind the the man's ass and/or under while he's doing it doggystyle or missionary seems to be sexually exciting, because it is in almost every mainstream porn video.

Newsflash for those who didnt catch the sarcasm: It fucking isn't. That shit is incredibly GAY. We're here for the woman, not to see your ass moving back and forth. Or worse your sweaty balls slapping back and forth like a pendulum all in front of the camera.

34)Small black cocks do not exist. Even if it's barely 4 inches, girls will still scream "GIVE ME THAT BIG BLACK COCK"
35)If you get pulled over by a cop, you're going to engage in sexual intercourse. Whether you like it or not.
36) You can bang your friends hot: Mom, sister, girlfriend, cousin, aunt, grandma even if you dont have friends.

check owt my music myspace

http://myspace.com/jjrulesuall
haha it doesn't mean i rule you all. i made it like when myspace first came out to have songs that they wouldn't upload in order to beat the system. but now, i thought i'd try and do my own thing. check it out folks

Beyonce - I Am Sasha Fierce

http://rapidshare.com/files/161868780/BeyonceIam.rar
dunno if it's any good yet.
i just know she is fine as ANYTHING in that "single ladies" video.

ridiculous. haha

808's and Heartbreaks

is probably one of the greatest albums to drop this year.
it's up there with the Renaissance by Q-tip (which i totally consider album of the year), Seeing Sounds, Viva la Vida, and HOPEFULLY, when common's Album drops, Universal Mind Control. but that's just a prediction.
but 808's and Heartbreaks.
from the start, "Say You Will" is eerie and beautiful all at the same time. the chords are well put together and the beat is simple, yet effective. something that's prevelent a LOT in this album. especially when he lets this song's beat just ride out. and the words are pretty good. something expected of Kanye and something he delivers this whole record.
Then we move to "welcome to heartache" where he has Kid Cudi sing the hook. And no offense to Kanye, but having someone on the album who can actually sing without the autotune is refreshing. lol Love the strings in this. but honestly, it's a really sad outlook on his life.
"Dad cracked a joke, all the kids laughed,
But I couldn’t here him all the way in first-class...
Chased the good-life all my life long.
Look back on my life, all my life gone.
Where did I go wrong?"
Then after that we have "HEARTLESS" which is so HARD for NO reason at all. lol well of course there is a reason. the lyrics, the hook, the beat, that bass. everything screams hit for Kanye. i can't wait til this single drops. it's that crack people.
"Amazing" ft. Jeezy is pretty hard. Kanye knows how to take out all the extra stuff and make a simple beat that's hard as the dickens!! ridiculous. Jeezy brings it on this one.
"Love Lockdown" everybody should've heard by now. either you hate it or you love it, or you INITIALLY hate it and then it grows on ya. i'm the ladder. the drums are off the chain to me and after he came with the final version, i'm ok with it. i like it. :) i wasn't feelin that unfinished version. i thought that was straight TRASH. lol but this one is ok.
and ohhhh "PARANOID" is definitely a favorite. the chords in this are so SWEET. i love the electronic feel to it. it's really 80's. i find it funny that all the futuristic sounding stuff reminds me of the 80's. haha i guess they were ahead of their time. love it. Mr. Hudson is on this track. never heard of him, but i guess he adds a sort of gritty ghetto nigga singin edge to it. lol that's all i see he adds. so every ignint nigga hearin this song can sing along and not feel like they can't sing. ya know?? haha
"ROBOCOP!!!" that's the baddest song on this album to me right now. idk dude. lol the strings, the beat switchin between this pretty orchestrated feel to this hard gritty feel is really tight to me. lyrics are tight. not really feelin kanye singing at the VERY end, but it's all good. good song.
"Street Lights" is really chill. i like the lyrics and the feel of the song. the is the 808's and HEARTBREAKS cd so this song as well is kind of sad. but it's really cool. another "Love Lockdown" in the way that it had to grow on me. i skipped it initially, but it's a good track.
"Bad News" is another sad track. really nice chords and simple beat, but the lyrics are pretty sad. your typical heartbreak situation.
"People will talk
Like its old news.
I played it off and act like i already knew...
Let me ask you
how long have you known too?
You played it off and act like he's brand new.
When you decide to break the rules?
Cuz i just heard some real bad news..."
i like how the beat rides out to the strings at the end. really nice.
"See You in My Nightmares" is the song that sort of strikes back at this heartbreak. it's Kanye and Wayne basically sayin "why did you do this to me? well w/e cuz i'm done wit yo busted a ANYways. Ho."
the beat is hardcore simple but gets me so HYPE. i guess that has to do with Kanye and Weezy's performances on this track. but not a bad beat. really tight beat. hardcore lyrics and feel to it from Yeezy and Weezy.
and the last track, "Coldest Winter" sort of comes to terms with the fact that loneliness sucks. especially when it's cold. lol love it. not alot of autotune here, but it works really well. people say that this is another "Love Lockdown" track, but this one i got immedeatly. i'm Lovin it. love the scratch sound effect. love the drums. love the progression of the song. the dynamics are great.

so basically, that's my take on the album.
check it out. you might be pleasantly surprised.
only bad thing is Kanye won't be able to perform any of these songs well live. haha
another thing i love...
no CURSING.
haha i just like it when people can make a point and move people without having to cuss every 5 seconds. not saying i don't listen to that music and like it, cuz i do. i'm just sayin it's pleasant.
http://rs413.rapidshare.com/files/165373329/Kanye_West-808s_And_Heartbreaks-2008-H3X.rar

J

ignorance...haha

808 and Heartbreaks Album

http://rs413.rapidshare.com/files/165373329/Kanye_West-808s_And_Heartbreaks-2008-H3X.rar
In case you wanted it. :)

Daft Punk vs. N.E.R.D.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/51336530a8913ba8/

She Wants To Travel

(She Wants To Move X Voyager)

C.L.H.P.

I don't usually do this
But i felt inspired

Baby, I don't know where to begin.
If loving you is wrong, then i'd deal with sin.
You bring me such a love that penetrates within.
Yea i know "that's what she said," but let's keep it movin.

Baby, you know I love ya. You KNOW you mean the world to me.
You're more important than any'these other girls to me.
But lately, it's like you've had your share o' problems wit me
So let me put some things out in the air, ya feel me?

It's REAL love that we got goin on.
That somethin special that make me wanna write this song.
I'm not Travie sayin that you got a ringtone.
I'm Lupe sayin that wherever I roam,
You're with me.
Not always physically, but still you're with me in my heart.
You're my other half/part.

You never leave me lonely.
You're always there for me.
You're the only girl i'm trustin when you tell me that you love me.
That's real.
Straight up girl, that's how i feel.
I don't hear these other B's tellin me that i should chill.

From your sexy little strut to your beautiful hair.
From your pretty little smile and everything you wear
To the way the family loves you and how you treat me fair.
And of course, i can't forget that derriere.
From that Code Geass to the Yuyu Hakusho
From the DBZ to Samurai Champloo
From Neptunes and Jun Seba all the way to John Mayer
Girl everything about you makes me wanna R-Ring the finger.
But i can't! So you'll have to deal with this
4 page letter i enclosed with a kiss.

And til' i see you next girl you know that you're missed,
Til' the next time i get to kiss your lips.
I gotta deal with the pieces that you leave with me,
Meaning the smell on your jacket and the thought of how ya feel me,
The thought of how you touch me, and the thought of how ya grill me
Bout these other b's talkin bout how they wanna do me.
By now i really thought that you would be through wit me.

But you know that i know that i know that you know where i'm at,
So you don't worry bout that
Lest you'd have to go and give these other b's a slap.
Lest you'd have to shed your skin and REALLY act black.

Catch that? Now let me bring it right back.

I don't have to be afraid.
bout these other lil niggas that try and come your way.
I know that you don't even give them the time of day.
And i know i love weezy, so we're kinda like wayne.
Hell, we might even be kinda like that nigga game.
cuz baby you and me, we ARE the same.
We're martians, spazzes, nerds, freaks.
They say opposites attract? Ha! Not you and me.

Cuz we vibe, talk live, make love
and wonder how we ever
did this thing called life apart.
C.L.H.P., you got my heart.

People say i'm crazy for spittin this kinda mess now,
But after you, really, there's no one else now!
After all these others, i know you're the best now.
I wish a b**** n**** WOULD come test now!
Cuz this is what I've found. You're at top now.
I thank God now for all you are now.
And all we are now, this will never end.
Though i guess this verse must, so let me say again:
Girl, I love you and you're my best friend.
And all we are now, this will never end.
Girl, I love you and you're my best friend.

you're the best around...

HOTTNESS

Jay-Z - History
http://limelinx.com//media/77074f9539d24d2e9f07b5890574ec8d.aspx

T-Pain ft. JT - Can't Believe It REMIX
http://limelinx.com//media/7d6be60312734a4bb8476b826d8210c2.aspx

VIDEOS

GO HARD
DJ KHALED ft. KANYE & T-PAIN


HEARTLESS
KANYE

Heartless from kwest on Vimeo.

KOF SKETCH - i just thought it was pretty cool


SUPER STREET FIGHTER II HD REMIX

Kanye Remasters...Again...

http://www.zshare.net/audio/510670673a68a64d/
Love Lockdown
http://www.zshare.net/audio/51066721a6802520/
Heartless

The Cool Kids

The Delivery Man
http://limelinx.com//media/a3f9f6c23f8041568ecce8b51e5c0858.aspx

Remix by 9th Wonder
http://limelinx.com//media/4cc36d99425c4a83b3c9d520be61754a.aspx

Let's Talk Politics.

Pharrell and Shay

hehe guidelines on how to NOT be ignorant courtesy of XV

New Common off of UMC

http://limelinx.com//media/908917ff432b450b822462f54971ea10.aspx

Changes (Dedicated to Obama)

OBAMAobamaobamaobamaobaoba...

KAL PENN

BARACK OBAMA ELECTED PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

yea. that's right.

forgotten gem and new live stuff from Kenna

N.E.R.D. & Papa Roach - Never Look Back
http://www.zshare.net/audio/508423201f85d6ed/

Kenna - Say Goodbye To Love

video's lagging a bit

Kenna - Sun Red Sky Blue

Video's ahead a tiny bit

Kenna - Out of Control

Video lags BAD

Afro Samurai...Resurrection...?

Game's dropping mad soon too



I already got the Uncut 1st Season and the 1st graphic novel.
Catch up my niggaz.

Katt Williams - Tigers

Karaoke

Karaoke feat. DJ Khaled

new purchases?

Sayonara bye bye

season 2 kicks hardcore @$$.
yea.

Coast 2 Coast Mixtape Vol. 54 - Hosted By Slim


Download - http://www.zshare.net/download/50567733a25c5cb1/

Tracklist:
01. Slim - Is This The Way
02. T-Pain Feat. Dj Khaled - Karaoke
03. Ludacris Feat. Common - Do The Right Thing
04. The Game - Toy Soldiers
05. Miz & UnCommon (Real Life Click) - Ill Bomb Freestyle
06. Kanye West - Robocop
07. Joe Budden - Sidetracked
08. Lil Fats - Coast 2 Coast Weekly 17
09. Slim Feat. Fabolous & Ryan Leslie - Good Lovin'
10. Freeway - Nobodies Fool
11. Jadakiss - Deeper Than Rap
12. Cool Nutz Feat. April Cason - Totin
13. Ludacris - Last Of A Dying Breed
14. The Game - Compton Story
15. The Game Feat. Kurupt - All These Hoes
16. Kanye West - Coldest Winter
17. Lil Fats Feat. Illaj - Something Sexy
18. Joe Budden - Under The Sun
19. Joe Budden - The Soul
20. Young Mac - Ballin Is A Hobby
21. Big Ant Feat. K. Trazz - No Hoe (myspace.com/mrslapper)
22. Loose Leaf - Empire
23. Rico Smooth- AND I
24. Slim Feat. Big Boi & Faith Evans - So Fly (Remix)
25. Slim - Outro

N.E.R.D. live on Jimmy Kimmel

somebody posted all the n.e.r.d. albums on a forum i go to,
so in case anybody was behind

(NOT PROMOTING STEALING THEIR STUFF, but some of it's hard to find. so if you can, just buy it. support good music)

In Search Of... 2001 Tracklist 1. Lapdance ft. Lee Harvey & Vita 2. Intro 3. Things Are Gettin Better/Skit 1 4. Brain 5. Provider 6. Truth Or Dare ft. Kelis & Terrar 7. Run To The Sun 8. Stay Together/Skit 2 9. Baby Doll 10. Tape You/Tape You Part 2 11. Am I High ft. Malice 12. Rockstar-Poser 13. Bobby James/Everybody Is A Star (Pa Ra Ra) http://www.sendspace.com/file/czqtx6

In Search Of... 2002 (Spy-Mob Version) Tracklist 1. Lapdance ft. Lee Harvey & Vita 2. Things Are Gettin Better 3. Brain 4. Provider 5. Truth Or Dare ft. Kelis & Terrar 6. Tape You 7. Run To The Sun 8. Baby Doll 9. Am I High ft. Malice 10. Rock Star 11. Bobby James/Everybody Is A Star (Pa Ra Ra) 12. Stay Together http://www.sendspace.com/file/dkfk7w

Fly Or Die 2004 Tracklist 1. Don't Worry About It 2. Fly Or Die 3. Jump ft. Joel Madden & Benji Madden 4. Backseat Love 5. She Want's To Move 6. Breakout 7. Wounderfull Place/I Was Waitin For You 8. Drill Sergeant/Perseverance 9. Thrasher 10. Maybe 11. The Way She Moves 12. Chariot Of Fire/Find My Way[Hidden Track] http://www.sendspace.com/file/955n40

Seeing Sounds 2008 Tracklist 1. Intro/Time For Some Action 2. Everyone Nose (All The Girls Standing In The Line For The Bathroom) 3. Windows 4. Anti Matter 5. Spaz 6. Yeah You 7. Sooner Or Later 8. Happy 9. Kill Joy 10. Love Bomb 11. You Know What 12. Laugh About It http://www.sendspace.com/file/ngj7e8

AND an mp3 of the BET performance with Common

http://www.zshare.net/audio/506154359c4bcf6d/

i'm done

with the BS.

new songs..?
Common - Punch Drunk Love
http://limelinx.com//media/676ff0bfc2bd48039f741bc9d927e582.aspx

Common - Sex 4 Sugar
http://limelinx.com//media/a3c1c29c1d43480dbd10cf0b6835f214.aspx

a couple new live common tracks from his new and upcoming cd, Universal Mind Control.

problem with the GF? maybe

ok so maybe it's timing or my fault or some other BS reason
but it seems that whenever me and my girl are together and hanging around her friends,
she's not only distant and cold, she's mean. she totally treats me like crap. and i'm supposed to be ok about it once we talk/argue and she apologizes. EVERY TIME.
like it's becoming difficult to draw the line. she doesn't usually act like that in private, and i don't wanna be the dude who straight up calls her out and sets the record straight in public in front of her friends... cuz that'd be dick.
right?
idk.
it's just really bugging me to the point to where i actually have to write something like this. to where i actually have to tell people, "hey. i have a problem with crystal." and it didn't used to be like that, but lately i just feel unimportant and unappreciated when it comes to her.
so what do i do?
i'm usually the one answering questions like this, but i guess i'm asking this time.
help ya boy out!

more stuff

Viva la Hova (Jay-Z Coldplay Mash-up)
http://www.sendspace.com/file/8tkhtd

XV
(40 DAYS) http://www.sendspace.com/file/wuo3g3
(40 NIGHTS) http://www.sendspace.com/file/v7nrzw

Facebook Rant

#1, if i constantly bring someone to church with me and have been for the past 10 months and people that greet me constantly haven't had the courtesy to greet that person, then something's wrong. right?
well one person told me that that's because the people in mt. paran have grown up here and branch themselves off in cliques. well that just shouldn't be the case. not in a church.
we're the ones who are supposed to bring the lost souls to church. If we can't even talk to each other, then how are we supposed to minister in school? how are we supposed to minister in our daily lives?which brings me to the second thing that bothers me: why do some of us feel awkward and ashamed to talk about God AMONG CHRISTIANS? shouldn't that be the most natural thing to do?
I'm guilty of it. i can't lie. there are people that go to this church that i really don't know whether they are saved or whether they even believe in God simply because i feel awkward talking about God around them. but i know i'm not the only one. i know it shouldn't be that way, but what are we supposed to do. get right with ourselves? ok well that's fine and good, but the thing is that we never do. we get in this comfort zone at church and just maintain a routine.
i'm at a place in my walk with God where i know that i want more of him, and he wants more of me. and in that wanting, i know i'm going to end up having to do some uncomfortable things, but i'm ok with that. i've really become ok with that.
but i feel like everyone needs to be ok with that.the basic problem i guess i'm getting at is NO ONE WANTS TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE.that's really starting to bother me. they say that a change is going to come within the youth. i feel that and i understand that, but we really have to get in a place to where we wanna get uncomfortable and undignified for God. and i don't just mean youth, i mean big church as well. because if the change comes in youth and the adults don't accept it, than it will all be for naught. the change can't just be youth. it has to branch off into everything.
it has to influence big church. so then we can provide a change and a movement that would glorify god to the fullest as an entire body of mt. paran north.
but we really have to talk with God and get rght with God and decide, "hey God, i'm willing to do whatever you want of me. i really don't care what other people think. i don't care about comfort zones. I'm willing to break free of all those things in order to bring more souls and more glory to your kingdom."that's what we have to do.Recently i've been reading deuteronomy (i said hey, there's this book in the bible deuteronomy that i know absolutely nothing about. maybe i should read it. lol) and in it there's the story about how moses led the folks out of egypt and everybody's all feeling great and got that buzz from God that you get when you know he's moving and everybody's doing good until they get to where they have to claim their land.and THEN, don't nobody wanna go. they don't wanna trust God and do something seemingly crazy. the Jews were saying, "These folks gon beat us DOWN. God must be crazy tryin ta send us in there. he must not like us or something" but moses is all like, "isn't this the God who parted the RED SEA? c'mon now! you think he can't handle that?" but nobody was willing to be uncomfortable. so what happened?
WHOOSH
there went that blessing. they had to wait til the next generation was there to take a hold of it.i use that story to say this: i know that everybody from middle school camp and high school camp are just feeling (or have felt) the presence of God in Mt. paran youth. like hardcore.
wel it's not a joke people. we have to take hold of this and do something with it or else
WHOOSH
it's gone be gon before you know itso like i said, be prepared to be uncomfortable for God. now in this i don't mean EVERYONE. but i mean some people. maybe even most people.

T-Pain ft. DJ Khaled - KARAOKE!!!http://limelinx.com//media/ffc0338b267c447f87908fa67001b5de.aspx

Usher ft. Barack Obama - Hush
http://limelinx.com//media/ff1dbb0f2c194baa9f784d220078925c.aspx

Kanye West - Heartless!
http://limelinx.com//media/de2aeab00cbe418fa3be9b471635d03e.aspx

Ludacris - I Do It For Hip-Hop!!
http://limelinx.com//media/17d451b4cea24d7982cefac1b95b39a5.aspx

Chester French Condom Player

UPDATE

it's been a whole year and i couldn't be happier it's gotten this far.
Currently fasting in order to get closer to GOD.
playing a ton of megaman
loving college
loving playing on wednesdays
pissed about the no car deal
basically my life right now. :)
gonna start posting music links and the such on here

TALK IS CHEAP

so what do i plan to do about it?


i think i might wanna perhaps start a bible study at my house a day of the week where people might be free. But i don't wanna take out of their freetime.
maybe that could encourage lost people to come to it.

like for example, what lost person is going to wanna come to a bible study on a friday night when they could go get hammered?

but i don't really know who to tell or what to talk about when it happens or whether to do an acoustic praise and worship set or anything.
so i'm gonna pray about it.

but if i do it, it's gonna be called "LOVE BOMB."

yea.

THIS IS HOW I FEEL.

Why do people smile when no one's smiling?
It's cuz they're thinking of someone they're loving
Keep on believing we are meant to be and
Nothing's stopping you and me from going to heaven

Sweetest love

I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter

Now i'm a climber
This mountain's just my ladder
It gets better
Every second we're together
Baby, it feels so right
A new beginning starts tonight
The reason for wedding songs
Is because of you and me and

The sweetest love

Finally, I can't believe it's you and me

You're my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter
C'mon now
I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter

Now i got that feeling in my gut
Now i need your fire in my life
Now i wanna give you love so much
And i keep on feelin

My sweet, my sweet
Sweetest love

I can't believe you and me
we gotta be

You're my sweetest love

I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter
C'mon now
I got the sweeter love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter
Alright
I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
There ain't nothin sweeter
I got the sweetest love
Can't nothin beat it
There ain't nothin sweeter

Sweetest love

I can't believe you and me
we gotta be

For my sweetest love



Thank you Robin Thicke. Again.
He sings my life. I swear...

THIS IS HOW I FELT.

Through the rain girl
I found Jesus
I found you and
I know nothing can take your place girl
Your red lipstick
And i'm just afraid
Cause this is the first time
That i'm not loving you
And i'm not loving you
I got married to the idea
To the notion
That youd always be here with me girl
Like my shadow
And I wish I was there
Just to run my hands through your hair
And i'm just afraid
Cuz this is the first time
That i'm not loving you
And i'm not loving you
Girl you know i'm always thinking of you
Haven't seen the summer since I saw you
Baby don't worry 'bout us
I feel your love
I feel you inside
And I wish I was there
Just to run my hands through your hair
And i'm just afraid
Cause this is the first time
That i'm not loving you
And i'm not loving you
Girl i'm not loving
And i'm not loving you
Girl you know i'm always thinking of you
Haven't seen the summer since I saw you
Baby don't worry bout us
I feel your love
I feel you inside baby
Girl i'm not loving you
You...

of course it isn't that way now. but that moment, this was me.
wow.
thank you Robin Thicke.

my testimony as of now...?

ok so i have to talk tomorrow so this is more of a brainstorming than a real blog...
ok so where was i when cleansing stream first started...?
well i had just gotten saved at camp. like i was already saved, but this was when god really told me what he wanted me to do and i really decided to dedicate my life to him. ya know?
and what's probably bad is that i was living a way i really shouldn't have before then, but i still claimed that i was saved and still played on wed nights and sundays sometimes too.
but i guess that just goes to show how god can STILL use a broken vessel.
but back to the story -
i had just gotten saved, my manager GF broke up with me like the day after i got back home, so i'm still tripping out emotionally and don't really know what to do.
i knew what God wanted me to do, but i just didn't know how or where to even start ANYTHING.
and i remember i happened to show up to church early one sunday morning and ran into renee and she asked me to join cleansing stream.
i'm thinkin to myself...man i dunno. do i gotta pay anything? cuz i'm broke! i can't be doin all o that now. lol
BUT she said don't let payment be the issue, so she handled it all for me. which i still thank her for to this day. :)
but yea, i remember just goin in the first day and enjoying the laid back and intimate atmosphere. there are a couple days where we had to watch videos and we had to do homework i guess you'd call it out of this workbook, but all of these things got me into the habit of constantly exposing myself to the word.
and when you are constantly exposed to the word, something changes inside you. you start to hear the voice of the holy spirit more often and much clearer.
and the whole mission behind cleansing stream is to walk in alignment with God. and the way they have it set up, it's both an easy and powerful experience.
and i remember for me, i always thought before cleansing stream, "ok. yea i love God and all of that, but how do i even go about doing the right thing all the time? i can't. i have to many problems and vices and issues to just stop."
but the only thing i was really complaining about was that i didn't know HOW to go about doing all of this changing. and cleansing stream really helped. it showed me how i'm supposed to go about studying his word and changing the condition of my heart.
now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying i'm this perfect person and i don't do things wrong anymore. because i still struggle with certain things in my life. but now, it's like i can come at them with a confidence i didn't have before. like i'm closer than i've ever been to where i feel i need to be. God's really been watching out for me and taking care of me and showing me things and putting me places where i can really be of use and surrounding me with people who are good to me and care about me. and i'm thankful. but in order to get somewhere, there are always steps.
so i encourage you all to just try it out. it's really meaningful and helpful. it helped me a ton. so yea.
that's it. that's me.


well i guess i'll just say al of that. that won't be too bad.

i'm falling

backwards in my walk.

dammit.




One republic was AWESOMMMMM
john mayer was AWESUUUMMMMMMMM

both were just amazing

one of the single greatest nights of my life.
glad i got to share it with crystal popham/hughes.

timing

i'm stressed out. i don't even know if this is an important issue, but it's like half of me wants to leave everything behind and start fresh and the other half of me doesn't want to risk losing the great things i already have in my life.
so i think i just wanna take a break from everyone and everything i'm a part of pretty soon just to see what things i miss and what i find important to me and what's worth keeping and what's worth losing...
it's just...
a lot of new things are happening to me and there's not enough room in my life to keep up with everything, you know? i wish all these things could've happened earlier or at a more convenient time. it's like i'm being bombarded with stress from school and church and love and family and friends and music and my own ambitions.
i remember when i was in high school, i didn't give an S about half the stuff i care about now, but now that i've really started to get serious with God like HARDcore, problems and conflicts with my own inner self and being have just been popping up.
i'm fighting against myself. literally.
so as a result of this, i'm gonna take some time to myself. i'm gonna be a recluse, if you will.
maybe it's selfish of me. i don't know. all i know is i have to do it if i'm gonna be the person i'd like to be. i have to take some time to focus and decide what's important and what's not. not like i haven't said that 5 times already, but just know if i end up shutting anybody out for the next little while, it has nothing to do with you. and that's about it.
pray for me.

Keep GOD 1st

"Keep God 1st. Man, cuz God is amazing. God is.. Amazing. If you don't believe in God, whatever it is that you DO believe in... You believe in the universe at least. That's OK. You ain't gotta call it God. I'll do it for you."- Pharrell Williams

:)

college situation is going swell.

looking forward to J. Mayer, N.E.R.D, and COMMON

i hate how

the only people i can depend on to do something when i need it done are ME and GOD.
that's it.

hopefully going to college soon.

i'm home

i just got back from work.

i'm tired.

goin out later tonight.

josh's b-day party.

...yeah.

haven't been here in a while.

DARK KNIGHT changed my life.
BOTH times.

Still madly in love with that one chick. ;) THE RIGHT WAY

went to Aaron's today and had mucho fun.

tomo will be very busy so i'm lookin forward to it.

uhhhhhhhhhh

update later i guess?

so i'm not gonna lie

i'm pissed off.

so i had a bad dream

and i'm trying to write it down before i forget.
well i was in my room with the bronski's and i had my old bunk bed for some reason.
well we were talking about jordan flemmeister and were making funny jokes about her. so tiara was there(?) and we sent her to ask jordan (who was also apparently in my house) how she masturbateed. haha
we thought the image would be funny.
so she comes back and says she ain't do it, but laura says go again. tiara comes back WITH jordan who is now all pissed and offended and stuff. and then dad comes in all pissed uz people are yelling so i dip since i have nothing to do with this, but when i come up, i see my uncle and his ex-wife (who were still together in my drea) and no sign of the bronski's. i ask mom and she says they left.
so i go outside to catch themand they're piling in a van to apparently go to new england and devin is driving they ask me to come, but i say no. my family just got here, i'd be in so much trouble...
so they pull out my driveway but not without first knocking every car that was in the driveway out of their way but somehow managing to only leave a mark on MY car. which i'm not even mad about, but i just thought that was odd. when i'm heading upstairs, another one of my aunts, Vet, was there and she was talking crap about the brnski's as they were leaving. and i'm like
"dude, these are people i go WAY back with. some to elementary school. these people are really important friends of mine. it's not like they're never coming back. they just left for now. ok?"
and she got all defensve then. so i head to the kitchen to tell mom,
"hey. i don't appreciate what vet is saying about my friends."
and then mom flips out on me and says one of them stole her music this one time and they can never come to the house again. i can hang with them, but they can never ever be HERE again.
and so i finish picking up nerds off the kitchen floor (again, i don't know. somehow i blamed it on mr. t?) and went up to my room and threw a humongous tantrum in which i was beating the crap out of everything in my room.
then i woke up.

crazy, no?

Amos Lee

Is my favorite person right now.
liked how there was no words between us yesterday. lol
love her.
things are great.
awesome awesome awesome. ;]

----------------
Now playing: Amos Lee - Street Corner Preacher
via FoxyTunes

so i read your blog

and i totally had this awesomely thought out reply to it...
but my laptop shut off on me.
asshole.

well basically i agreed with everything but number 2.
the reason being is that when i said that, i just blurted it out without actually explaining the reasoning behind it like i should have.

"well allow me to retort!"

the issues i have to deal with, which we all know about, are issues of lust. it's my problem and my struggle. it's why i like sex and porn and all that so much. so with all of that considered, it would probably be harder for me to turn down sexual relations more so than the next person.

i'm not saying i couldn't do it, because i have done it. not recently, but back when we were just "talkin" i had to kick some bitches to the curb. which was pretty difficult for me to do given the fact that i enjoyed being a pimp. lol but at the end of the day even back then, you were more important than any o dem bitches. ya smell me?

and on a side note, you have really helped me with those issues as well. either you help me act em out or to keep them under control. whichever of the two you decide to actually do helps me not lose my mind or go insane and i thank you for that. :]

and with all these things considered, i would never put myself in a position to where i would even doubt myself for a split second.

so can't happen.

won't happen.


i don't play no games.



love ya. :]

----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Windows
via FoxyTunes

my honest opinion

i'm sorry about what happened,

but if in the past 8 months i've never done anything for you to doubt our trust and this one insignifigant (to me anyways) thing happens...?

not to say it's insignifigant in the fact that i don't care how you feel, but insignifigant as in i didn't even care enough to remember i even sent it...
and you still are all torn up about it...

i mean... it's cool. i understand.

but i just don't think it should be this important.

it'd be different if i actually did something with some random bitch or whatever.
but this?

idk.

take it how you want to (that's what she said), but i love you and i think our love is WAY bigger than this bull shit situation.

my honest opinion.

i'm having an issue

with getting a tattoo. i've been reading about it a lot and going over the same verse over and over again and debating whether this applies to me today in this time period and culture.
well see, we all go to Leviticus 19:28 where it states, "Do not cut your bodies for the dead, and do not mark your skin with tattoos. I am the Lord." (NLT) or the King James : "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD." (KJV) pretty clear, right?
however when put into context of that chapter, i thought God was talking about pagan practices and idol worship.
and it also goes to say in verse 26, "Ye shall not eat any thing with the blood: neither shall ye use enchantment, nor observe times," (KJV) and verse 27, "Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard." (KJV) i eat non kosher meats and i get my haircut all the time. i cut it bald myself. but i suppose that back then, these types of things were associated with pagan practices and idol worship.
but these are things we do, like, all the time.
and also in the new testament it does state clearly in Hebrews 8:13 talking about the old covenant: "By calling this covenant 'new,' he has made the first one obsolete; and what is obsolete and aging will soon disappear." (NLT) or "In that he saith, A new covenant, he hath made the first old. Now that which decayeth and waxeth old is ready to vanish away." (KJV)
well... after i put these points together i figured it was a heart condition, sort of on par with the debate put on christians drinking.
i heard a sermon on this not too long ago and i believe the point that he made was that you shouldn't get DRUNK. everywhere the bible says don't get drunk but it never says not to drink.
and when this is put into perspective, i guess how i feel about tattoo's is that you shouldn't ever go overboard or tattoo something unholy on your body, but you shouldn't really go out and get one unless you really feel necessary.
i hear paul say things like this alot. well at leat that's how i interpret it.
he usually ends up saying something to the extent of, "they say don't do this, but i say don't go overboard or do anything unholy. i mean to be safe, don't do it at all, but if you really want to then go ahead and do it right. better to be safe than to burn in hell.
Example. 1 Corinthians 7:1-9
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (KJV)

or to be a little clearer:

Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it's for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I'm not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them. Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others. I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can't manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. (The Message)

well with that considered, i felt if i really have a bible verse that means a lot to me and i wanted to get it tatted on my arm, that would be ok? right?
well if that were just up to me, i'd be fine with it. however tried to discuss it with my ma. Discuss mind you. well she freaked out on me even after i tried to talk to her and told me i always think i'm right and more angry statements. lol
but if it came down to it, she wouldn't really stop me.

but just her freaking out on me and how other people ban tattoos and things like that made me think maybe i should really see how other people really founded in the lord feel about this.

and with that said, i'm really depending on you guys for help.

now mind you i'm not trying to twist the bible to make my point valid or anything. i just honestly fell this way. now if i have done so, please feel free to tell me where i'm wrong.

i'm all ears. :]

and btw, i already have a tat from a videogame and i really like it and i feel great about it. but it's weird that when i want to get a christian tat, everybody now decides to freak and i start to get an unclear view on this subject matter altogether.

ugh

ps. sorry about all the king james for people who don't like thee's and thou's and all that. it's the only one in my room. lol

and pps. i was reading through Leviticus and i think the imagery is HILARIOUS in 19:14 : "Thou shalt not curse the deaf, nor put a stumblingblock before the blind, but shalt fear thy God: I am the LORD." (KJV) i have this hilarious picture of stewie from family guy kicking out a chair in front of Peter when he was struck blind.
"HA! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it."
did anybody else see that?




just me?



probably just me. nvm...

----------------
Now playing: Yuzo Koshiro - Slow Moon
via FoxyTunes

i just

figured how to use my ps3 controller on my comp.

B A!

i miss her!!!!!!

and now i'm back

i love markus johnson. haha
it's been really great and fun and exactly what i needed.
i loved it.
i miss her. of course.

john mayer- where the light is... bonkers.

----------------
Now playing: John Mayer - I Don't Need No Doctor
via FoxyTunes

i'm

gone to myrtle beach

viva la vida

life's good i suppose.
miss crystal.
strongly dislike her father.... hardcore...
ugh.
new coldplay is my shizz.
i'll be in myrtle beach this entire next week. :]
very excited.
VERY excited.

I AM THE LASERGUN CARRYING MILKY WAY MASTER

so...
i love this girl.
i can be absolutely goofy playful and retarded and do absolutely nothing glamorous and she still looks me in the eye and tells me she loves me with the same emphasis she would any other time.
awesome.
still freaking out over SEEING SOUNDS.
gotta buy my 2 copies after i get paid and get the tickets...
and crys's summer camp stuff...
damn.

time for a new post.

:) im so glad Crys got to hang out with me these last couple of days. she's awesome. idk what i would do without her.

...yes i do. i'd play Grand Theft Auto & watch DBZ! haha. jk. it's way more fun doin those things with the one i love most.

let's see... _____ ____-something lol was my "first love." lol
we never did anything together, but i just liked how she listened to me and how i listened to her.
after that was... __'_____ _______ i think. i REALLY liked her. she had all the qualities i wanted in a girl. well physical qualities at least. the one thing she WAS missing was a heart. it used to feel good to be with her until she dicked me over. and then i couldn't even look at her after that. and THEN i tried again and i waisted an entire summer trying and failing. ugh. i mean i loved her figure and her teasing and her horniness and her humor and listening capabilities, but now she's just a friend. to even think about her like that now is kind of awkward. lol
but as much as i said i loved the next girl, i never quite liked her as much as __'_____.
and we come to _____ _______. yes the sister of the above. lol the second longest relationship i ever had which was an even bigger waste of time for the two simple reasons being that she was fat and that she never loved me even though she said she did. however she did take my virginity and she liked to have sex...a lot... and phone sex... and masturbate... all of that.
and even still, she was really loose. i didn't know that at the time, but now i know tight pussy when i feel it. lol
that whole relationship went to Hell and now i don't even acknowledge her existence anymore. i could actually say that i hate her.
yea, i hate her.
but...
actually there's no but. i hate her. she's a bitch. fuck ______ _______.
in-between these was always ______ ________. now _____ never got past a friends wit benefits relationship, however she was a really REALLY good friend to me. she still is. however she had a __'_____ kind of figure goin for her and it just made me wanna hit it. and apparently i have some sort of attractive aesthetic qualities about myself. we connected in that sense. she really had some of the tightest pussy i've ever felt in my life. we never had sex, but just fingering her was a struggle! lol
but now we have _______ ______. and it's no lie when i say that she really means the world to me. she's more than just a piece of ass (which she really is. have you seen it? it's gorgeous). she understands me. i understand her. we vibe mentally and physically. she feels GREAT everytime! she's wise and gorgeous, amazing and everything to me! i love her. she loves me. no questions asked. i really do mean that from the core of my being.
she makes me want to write a song about her.
i can't see myself ever leaving her. even if her parents end up hating my black ass, i still love her. and because of that, we both figure God will see us through these hard times. as of now, there's no one to make me think differently. i can't lose this girl.
well that's me ranting.
i guess i'm done now.
had to get it off my chest.



*names have been removed for confidentiality*

a friend who was debating Atheism posted this vid for me to watch...
so i replied to it with how i honestly felt about the guy.
so
watch this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8US5E2ToP4

i didn't even finish it. lol
but here is my reply:

his logic is a bit flawed....

actually a lot flawed.

ok #1. just because you sin doesn't mean you go to hell, when you're a christian you are eternally saved. god sees your heart, not your actions.
and i'd beat the hell outta my kids.
F that.

#2. god doesn't send you to hell for not "praising his name" correctly. that sort of thing is between you and god. whether you decide to go all crazy in church or stay reserved doesn't matter. it's the condition of your heart. and god sees that.

#3. salvation isn't a cure. salvation is a result of a relationship with god. i'm not in a realtionship with god to go to heaven.
i'm in a relationship with him because he loves me and i love him back. he's someone i can always depend on. he's the only thing constant in this fallen world. consistency is something i admire in god. i mean think about it.
we didn't even have the promise of everlasting life before jesus came. why do you think people still worshipped god?
because he is a loving god. he's full of grace.

#4. Sin is not offending the ego of God. sin is what's wrong. i mean seriously, this guy makes god out to be some evil asshole egotistical idiot when that's not the case at all. i mean seriously, would we have recieved FREE WILL if he were a Hitler-esque dictator? the only reason this guy is even able to say any of this bs is because he has the free will to do so.

am i wrong?

#5. i can't even listen to anymore of this guy cuz he's an absolute idiot and his logic is COMPLETELY flawed.

you can't bash something you know nothing about.

he obviously has no grasp of the founding concepts of christianity.

but listen to him if you want.

i'll still spank my kids when they're wrong. that doesn't mean i don't love them!
i'll still praise god however i want to!
and i will continue to have a relationship with christ.
so if this guy says he'll go to hell proudly, i'll go to heaven and tell him to suck a dick while he's down there! lol
not really, but still...
PISSES ME OFF

----------------
Now playing: Chester French - Neal
via FoxyTunes

i finished the GANTZ anime

and the manga drops june 28 i believe.
best believe i got that.
wow...very good.
definitely one of my all time fav's.




----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Locked Away
via FoxyTunes

i hate girls who try too hard (crystal popham)

this one girl always talks to my bf & always tries REALLY hard to impress him, i can tell.


always using song lyrics & crap to be like "hey look, i like the stuff you like"
yah. my point is, it's just really annoying & i don't understand what makes her think it's ok.


it's just a little funny to me. b/c he's definitely NOT interested what so ever.


hahaha. oh well. just thought id put that out there.


hahaha. i found this quite hilarious.

sent to jeremy today

God has really been speaking to me through you lately.
it's kind of freaking me out but at the same time it's awesome because i KNOW that it's god.
i mean last week i wasn't even going to show up cuz i heard i wasn't playing. i thought i'd take a week off or whatev. i ended up going cuz i had to be at the church for some july 3rd video and figured i'd stop by.
your sermon Then called right out to me! but then, like i said, i made a decision. there wasn't really a stirring in my heart, but i knew what was right and what was wrong and what God said i needed to do. but even after that, i've been staying up all night just freaking out and getting lost in my problems a lot. but even through that, i've been reading my word a lot more. and the pastor's sermon really called out to me today.
from the death of mother to the lust issues/ Even the cursing and occasional cigs. all of that was really in my heart and i felt god telling me this isn't what he called me for.
i still feel him telling me what he wants me to be. he wants me to be some sort of pastor and speak his word, but i feel like i really haven't been living like he wants me to live. and when i was praying at that altar by myself, i really just cried out to him and asked for forgiveness and comfort and guidance. i really just want to be want he wants me to be. and when you came over and basically prayed everything that i cried out to god for him to do word for word, i knew he was really speaking to me.
and i saw you talking to other people so i didn't really go into detail about all this then, but when i said thank you, i really meant it.
thank you so much.

a comment i posted on jeremy's blog

soooo
i’m feeling kinda weird talking about this because i’ve wanted to for a while but as much as i know christians aren’t supposed to judge, i know they do. and i don’t want to be.
however at this moment i’m trusting god to deliver me with these things that i struggle with.
i struggle with masturbation, sex, oral. all of that i’ve done and i struggle with even now. i’m blessed t have found a gf who doesn’t place value on that like my other ones have however we still mess up sometimes. but this is a chick i plan to marry in the future and at this moment i’m deciding not to have sex with her AGAIN until we do get married.
however i know that saying this is a lot easier than actually going through with it. even now i feel like it’s not a “spur of the moment emotion” kind of thing. i’m making a DECISION and sticking to it. so just pray for me and pray that god will see me through this. i know i’m delivered of this, but i’ve been delivered of this before too.
but this is the first time i’m asking to be held accountable. so please keep me in your prayers mr. jeremy.

Unconditional Love

I tried to look up something to help me describe this feeling that i have, but i couldn't find anything, so i'll just wing it.

i'm currently in love with this girl. last night she brought a word to my attention that describes the sort of love we share for each other: "unconditional."
now this is a term usually used for god and his love for us, but i also believe that in mirroring that sort of love we can find the basis for a true long lasting relationship.
no matter what happens, at the end of the day i know i love her and that she loves me. we have our problems that we have to deal with that are out of our control. honestly it would be easier if we weren't together. but that's where the unconditional love comes into play. i love her too much to just take the easy way out. if it gets hard, then that's too damn bad. i wouldn't give her up for anything. i'm sure that's how she feels as well. otherwise she would've dropped me a long time ago.
i also believe that understanding is an extremely key part of any relationship. i honestly believe that there is no one on this planet who understands me better than she. and with that understanding, i've found a sense of relief. that sort of relief is another thing that keeps me with her. i don't have to be on edge or worry about her and other guys or anything of the sort. i can honestly relax and know that i'm hers and she's mine.
and with that sort of relief, unconditional love comes easy.
maybe i'm just ranting. i don't know. but i do know that i've found true love. i've found unconditional love and i praise god for it.
i'm happy.

makin music with john mayer

today

mother's funeral was absolutely beautiful.
crystal got to go.
i'm being sociable.
i love my family.
i'm gonna miss mother.
a lot.

one god.

I just

had another one of those stupid dreams.
this time it was andrea, my gay friend i went to summer camp with.
she's a carpet muncher! lol WTF

BRAIN IS FOR LOVERS

i love NERD.
KANYE WEST was awesome.
LUPE killed it as well of course.
rihanna...? i liked her band! but wasn't to excited for her.
glad i went with everybody (tamar, herbie, patience, crystal, sarah b, jamie r)
glad i met up with devin and trisha.
glad i had a good time.
:]


ps. bow wow and chris brown were randomly on stage with NERD which was awesome but random and crunk at the same time.

Glow in the dark...?

tis today my friends,
and i plan on enjoying it.




unrelated, i had a nightmare. 2 actually. one i was actually scared to the point where i woke up. i was looking for something and i went into this room and i heard this blood curdling scream and it freaked me out!
and another dream i had, i was at some chorus kinda thing and me and...taylor were totally gonna bang. i hate to say it cuz that would never happen. and guess what? it didn't. we got to the room and i was like "...no. i can't. i love crystal too much." and then mrs. winner walked in and i totally like the pro i am talked and lied my way out of trouble. then i woke up.
i keep having dreams like that though where i almost have sex with someone in my dream and then DON'T cuz crystal EVEN IN MY DREAMS is always on my mind.
is that bad?
idk
maybe cuz of those F*****g pictures she sent me... ;]

----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Rock Star
via FoxyTunes

Evelyn Rhunette Freeman

Dec. 4th, 1921- May 2nd, 2008


you will be missed.

let's see...

Love?




Excited For?




:]

----------------
Now playing: Pharrell - Angel
via FoxyTunes

i'm making myself write this

so the play i went to tonight?
hilarious.
crystal popham/hughes makes me laugh so bad.
i love her.
seriously, today she outdid herself. :]
i had a LOT of fun tonight.
today.
w/e

i love you honey. i love you so much.

----------------
Now playing: Michael Jackson - The Girl Is Mine
via FoxyTunes

hahahaha

Connect 4 - Jonah Hill vs. Kanye from kwest on Vimeo.

come on christians!! seriously??

this IDIOT guy who's "waging a war against violent games" sent this letter to the mother of Take-Two executive chairman Strauss Zelnick days before the release of GTA IV.

Dear Mrs. Zelnick:

Your son, as you may know (or maybe you don’t know), is Chairman of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc., whose most popular video games are the Grand Theft Auto murder simulator games banned in some countries but sold to children here.

Your son last week was reported to have said the following about Grand Theft Auto IV, due to be released Tuesday, April 29: “We’ve already received numerous [GTA IV] reviews, and to a one, they are perfect scores. My mom couldn’t write better reviews…” Taking your son’s thought, I would encourage you either to play this game or have an adroit video gamer play it for you. Some of the latter gamers are on death row, so try to find one out in the civilian population who hasn’t killed someone yet.

What you will see in your son’s game, if this iteration of GTA is anything like its predecessors, is incredible interactive violence aimed at police officers (whom you can shoot in the head and see the blood spray), innocent bystanders (whom you can run over with your car just for the heck of it), and of course the plentiful female prostitutes you can have sex with and then filet with a knife or stomp with your feet in order to get your money back. Experts note that the recent plethora of cop killings is caused in part by your darling son’s entrepreneurial energy. There are three policemen dead in Alabama because of Grand Theft Auto. I was on 60 Minutes about it. I hope Strauss has provided you with a flat screen tv to see the grief of the bereaved families that fills the screen.

The pornography and violence that your son traffics in is the kind of stuff that most mothers would be ashamed to see their son putting into the hands of other mothers’ children, but, hey, your son Strauss has recently assured the world that he is “a Boy Scout, everybody knows that.” I’d love to see the merit badges that Scout Troop handed out. Is there a Ted Bundy merit badge? If so, your loving son deserves one now. It should be red and green, for obvious reasons.

With Passover having just come and gone, it is appropriate to note the following from the Old Testament, Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Mrs. Zelnick, did you train up your son, Strauss, to make millions of dollars by pushing Mature-rated video games to children? Any kid can go right to little Strauss’ corporate web site and buy GTA IV with no age verification. Strauss is even marketing the new Grand Theft Auto IV on World Wrestling Entertainment tv shows seen by millions of kids. If you trained up Strauss to do this, then shame on you.

But maybe the explanation for your son’s corporate sociopathy is to be found in Old Testament Proverb 29:15:

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Maybe you, Mrs. Zelnick, were so taken by your handsome son that you spared the rod and spoiled the child. That would explain why he has brought you, by the way he presently acts, “to shame.”

There’s another mother you would do well to talk to. Mrs. Crump in Alabama had a son who was a police officer. He’s now dead because a teenaged boy unwittingly trained himself to kill him on Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. She has a grief she carries every day that only a mother can know.There are other such mothers in the heartland of America whose inhabitants your son simply sees as commercial targets.

Your son, this very moment, is doing everything he possibly can to sell as many copies of GTA IV to teen boys in the United States, a country in which your son claims you raised him to be “a Boy Scout.” More like the Hitler Youth, I would say. Happy Mother’s day, Mrs. Zelnick, which this year is May 11, two weeks after your son unleashes porn and violence upon other mothers’ boys. I’m sure you’re very proud.

in reply to this stupid event, we have a small comic. check it out:



and as a christian, sadly i have to more-so agree with the comic than this idiot. i mean seriously. WTF!?

been a while

shouldn't a left you
without a dope beat to step to
step to step to...


ANYWAYS

ok so i love crystal popham with all my heart.
i love guitar still.
work is fun.
currently obsessed with Hard Candy.
the madonna Cd.

I get the week off cuz nobody likes billy langley.
SWEET.
i'm fine with doin nuthin mann.
shizz.

ok i'm done.

i'll try and update more often

had a dream

i was hanging out with crys and we were watchin sealab,
but then i went to look for her and she'd already began to walk home.
so i caught up with her, but then jr came to pick us up, but jr had a gun.
i'm like why the f do you have a gun.
so we're riding along and jr's taking us to church, and i'm like
"why are we headed this way, we need to turn around."
so we almost crashed,
pulled into someone's garage to turn around.
then i can't move. jr's doin sumn retarded.
finally crystal picks me up and puts me in the driver's seat and i take her home, but somewhere inbetween me taking her home and actually getting there,
it turned into ridge racer.
and then i woke up.
randomest dream ever.

----------------
Now playing: Madonna Ft. Timbaland And Justin - 4 Minutes (Remix)
via FoxyTunes

nevermind

another lonely night

but yea, i guess i'll hit up grace or sumn.

i talked to taylor. she figures they'll work everything out. i wasn't on her or mike's side at all though and i made it clear, but she was still cool.

damn str8

well... off to clean... and watch 12oz mouse

i'm tired

she's coming back tonight hopefully.
i miss her.
i'm kinda freakin out.
i just need to lay down.

----------------
Now playing: John Mayer - Gravity (Live)
via FoxyTunes

mother is

dying.

i'm worried about mom the most.

----------------
Now playing: Da Bronski's - Goodbye 2 Yesterday
via FoxyTunes

i've been

reading alot

----------------
Now playing: Lupe - Superstar (Acoustic Version)
via FoxyTunes

GOD BLESS ME

BLESS!!

Lord, please shine your light down  upon me
 Lord, grant me good fortune don't shun me
Take all this unhappiness from me
 Say, am I just crazy?? Well, GOD BLESS ME!

Now Lord, save me a place there upon the ark
I have been wandering in the dark
 Put me into your collection
Lord, am I not worth your salvation?

It's all a masquerade
 Just who is who,  can't say
Don't leave me in the cold
Just who is fake, who's real?? GOD BLESS ME!

So Lord, why do you watch from the sidelines?
War, it's being fought on the frontlines
Say, what is your final intention?
Lord, I've kinda lost my conviction

It's all a masquerade
 Just who is who, I can't say
Don?t leave me in the cold
 Just who is fake, who's real?? GOD BLESS ME!

BLESS!!

Why do we have a word for truth
 When the whole damn world's an April fool?
How come we find an antidote
 When germs grow fast and break the rules?
Why do I soil my clean white shoes
 When it won't be long before they're old and worn?
Are you sad or are you happy?
 How this pretension makes me yawn

GOD BLESS ME!
 It's all a masquerade
Just who is who, I can't say
 Don't leave me in the cold
Just who is fake, who's real?

It's all a masquerade
 Just who is who, I can't say
Don't leave me in the cold
 Just who is fake, who's real?? GOD BLESS ME!

she's gone...

don't try to miss her too much J.

seriously.

try hard.

I'm Yours

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more,
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved

So I won't hesitate no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved

I won't hesitate no more,
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm you

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more,
It cannot wait
The sky is yours!

so after venting

i do feel a bit better.
that n.e.r.d. song helps.
idk these upcoming weeks are gonna be hard and i'm NOT lookin forward to em.
...
shit happens.
just blow it off.

BREAKOUT

IT JUST HAPPENED
SO WHAT
BUT THEY’RE ALL LAUGHING
WHAT’S UP
WHY THE TEARS
HAVE NO FEAR
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU
BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN NO ONE CARES

IF YOU FEEL JUST LIKE I FEEL (PUSH PEOPLE)
EVERYTHING’S PLASTIC, NOTHING’S REAL
FUCK YOUR LAWS, MY FATE’S NOT SEALED
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL
HEY, JUST LET THE BULLSHIT PASS
OR WE’LL SKATEBOARD YOUR ASS
GOT MY BALLS
MY WHEELS
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL

BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT
BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAK AWAY (PUSH PEOPLE)

ALL YOU CAN BE IS JUST YOU
‘CAUSE YOU’RE REAL, NOT THE PLASTIC TYPE
BUT REALITY SETS IN, YOU’RE STUCK IN THIS PLASTIC LIFE

WHY THE TEARS
WE’RE ALL HERE FOR YOU
BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I DO CARE

IF YOU FEEL JUST LIKE I FEEL (PUSH PEOPLE)
EVERYTHING’S PLASTIC, NOTHINGS REAL
FUCK YOU LAWS, MY FATE’S NOT SEALED
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL
HEY JUST LET THE BULLSHIT PASS
OR WE’LL SKATEBOARD YOUR ASS
GOT MY BOMBS
MY WHEELS
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL

BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT
BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAK AWAY (PUSH PEOPLE)

SHIT HAPPENS, JUST BLOW IT OFF
MAN, WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL RIGHT
RIGHT, YEA
HEY, SHIT HAPPENS, JUST BLOW IT OFF
YEA, WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL RIGHT
RIGHT, YEA

JUST AS LONG AS WE GOT THE SAME THING IN OUR VEINS
YOU AND I, WE ARE BOTH THE SAME
I’LL BAIL YOU OUT, SHOW YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE
ONE LOVE, N.E.R.D.
PEACE

so to explain how i feel...

pissed.

i'm pissed at everything around me.

i don't feel like goin anywhere. i don't feel like doin anything.

and what is the root of this emotion?
let's vent, shall we?:
*i'm working 3day weeks now which totally sucks for my paycheck
*my tv broke today
*crystal is leaving me for like 2 weeks and won't be back for her entire spring break
*crystal's dad hates me and will totally let her go to fucking florida with some random bitch but won't let her go to church with me
*my final fantasy XI won't work s i waisted like a good hundred bucks on it
*i still haven't been refunded by jcpenney
*herbie and patience's relationship is honestly pissing me off with how stupid they both act to each other and it's just aggravating having to be the middle man
*crystal is still grounded and i don't know when i'll see her next and i hate it and it makes me really angry and i'm tired of having to sneak off and meet her in secret and just having to plot out our next meeting makes me so exasperated and i'm really tired of it
*people in church are starting to get on my nerves
*i'm starting to feel lonely again
*i'm not in college nor have i done anything to get me there


so yea. alot.