let's see... _____ ____-something lol was my "first love." lol
we never did anything together, but i just liked how she listened to me and how i listened to her.
after that was... __'_____ _______ i think. i REALLY liked her. she had all the qualities i wanted in a girl. well physical qualities at least. the one thing she WAS missing was a heart. it used to feel good to be with her until she dicked me over. and then i couldn't even look at her after that. and THEN i tried again and i waisted an entire summer trying and failing. ugh. i mean i loved her figure and her teasing and her horniness and her humor and listening capabilities, but now she's just a friend. to even think about her like that now is kind of awkward. lol
but as much as i said i loved the next girl, i never quite liked her as much as __'_____.
and we come to _____ _______. yes the sister of the above. lol the second longest relationship i ever had which was an even bigger waste of time for the two simple reasons being that she was fat and that she never loved me even though she said she did. however she did take my virginity and she liked to have sex...a lot... and phone sex... and masturbate... all of that.
and even still, she was really loose. i didn't know that at the time, but now i know tight pussy when i feel it. lol
that whole relationship went to Hell and now i don't even acknowledge her existence anymore. i could actually say that i hate her.
yea, i hate her.
but...
actually there's no but. i hate her. she's a bitch. fuck ______ _______.
in-between these was always ______ ________. now _____ never got past a friends wit benefits relationship, however she was a really REALLY good friend to me. she still is. however she had a __'_____ kind of figure goin for her and it just made me wanna hit it. and apparently i have some sort of attractive aesthetic qualities about myself. we connected in that sense. she really had some of the tightest pussy i've ever felt in my life. we never had sex, but just fingering her was a struggle! lol
but now we have _______ ______. and it's no lie when i say that she really means the world to me. she's more than just a piece of ass (which she really is. have you seen it? it's gorgeous). she understands me. i understand her. we vibe mentally and physically. she feels GREAT everytime! she's wise and gorgeous, amazing and everything to me! i love her. she loves me. no questions asked. i really do mean that from the core of my being.
she makes me want to write a song about her.
i can't see myself ever leaving her. even if her parents end up hating my black ass, i still love her. and because of that, we both figure God will see us through these hard times. as of now, there's no one to make me think differently. i can't lose this girl.
well that's me ranting.
i guess i'm done now.
had to get it off my chest.
*names have been removed for confidentiality*
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
a friend who was debating Atheism posted this vid for me to watch...
so i replied to it with how i honestly felt about the guy.
so
watch this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8US5E2ToP4
i didn't even finish it. lol
but here is my reply:
his logic is a bit flawed....
actually a lot flawed.
ok #1. just because you sin doesn't mean you go to hell, when you're a christian you are eternally saved. god sees your heart, not your actions.
and i'd beat the hell outta my kids.
F that.
#2. god doesn't send you to hell for not "praising his name" correctly. that sort of thing is between you and god. whether you decide to go all crazy in church or stay reserved doesn't matter. it's the condition of your heart. and god sees that.
#3. salvation isn't a cure. salvation is a result of a relationship with god. i'm not in a realtionship with god to go to heaven.
i'm in a relationship with him because he loves me and i love him back. he's someone i can always depend on. he's the only thing constant in this fallen world. consistency is something i admire in god. i mean think about it.
we didn't even have the promise of everlasting life before jesus came. why do you think people still worshipped god?
because he is a loving god. he's full of grace.
#4. Sin is not offending the ego of God. sin is what's wrong. i mean seriously, this guy makes god out to be some evil asshole egotistical idiot when that's not the case at all. i mean seriously, would we have recieved FREE WILL if he were a Hitler-esque dictator? the only reason this guy is even able to say any of this bs is because he has the free will to do so.
am i wrong?
#5. i can't even listen to anymore of this guy cuz he's an absolute idiot and his logic is COMPLETELY flawed.
you can't bash something you know nothing about.
he obviously has no grasp of the founding concepts of christianity.
but listen to him if you want.
i'll still spank my kids when they're wrong. that doesn't mean i don't love them!
i'll still praise god however i want to!
and i will continue to have a relationship with christ.
so if this guy says he'll go to hell proudly, i'll go to heaven and tell him to suck a dick while he's down there! lol
not really, but still...
PISSES ME OFF
----------------
Now playing: Chester French - Neal
via FoxyTunes
so i replied to it with how i honestly felt about the guy.
so
watch this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8US5E2ToP4
i didn't even finish it. lol
but here is my reply:
his logic is a bit flawed....
actually a lot flawed.
ok #1. just because you sin doesn't mean you go to hell, when you're a christian you are eternally saved. god sees your heart, not your actions.
and i'd beat the hell outta my kids.
F that.
#2. god doesn't send you to hell for not "praising his name" correctly. that sort of thing is between you and god. whether you decide to go all crazy in church or stay reserved doesn't matter. it's the condition of your heart. and god sees that.
#3. salvation isn't a cure. salvation is a result of a relationship with god. i'm not in a realtionship with god to go to heaven.
i'm in a relationship with him because he loves me and i love him back. he's someone i can always depend on. he's the only thing constant in this fallen world. consistency is something i admire in god. i mean think about it.
we didn't even have the promise of everlasting life before jesus came. why do you think people still worshipped god?
because he is a loving god. he's full of grace.
#4. Sin is not offending the ego of God. sin is what's wrong. i mean seriously, this guy makes god out to be some evil asshole egotistical idiot when that's not the case at all. i mean seriously, would we have recieved FREE WILL if he were a Hitler-esque dictator? the only reason this guy is even able to say any of this bs is because he has the free will to do so.
am i wrong?
#5. i can't even listen to anymore of this guy cuz he's an absolute idiot and his logic is COMPLETELY flawed.
you can't bash something you know nothing about.
he obviously has no grasp of the founding concepts of christianity.
but listen to him if you want.
i'll still spank my kids when they're wrong. that doesn't mean i don't love them!
i'll still praise god however i want to!
and i will continue to have a relationship with christ.
so if this guy says he'll go to hell proudly, i'll go to heaven and tell him to suck a dick while he's down there! lol
not really, but still...
PISSES ME OFF
----------------
Now playing: Chester French - Neal
via FoxyTunes
Monday, May 26, 2008
i finished the GANTZ anime
and the manga drops june 28 i believe.
best believe i got that.
wow...very good.
definitely one of my all time fav's.
----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Locked Away
via FoxyTunes
best believe i got that.
wow...very good.
definitely one of my all time fav's.
----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Locked Away
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, May 25, 2008
i hate girls who try too hard (crystal popham)
this one girl always talks to my bf & always tries REALLY hard to impress him, i can tell.
always using song lyrics & crap to be like "hey look, i like the stuff you like"
yah. my point is, it's just really annoying & i don't understand what makes her think it's ok.
it's just a little funny to me. b/c he's definitely NOT interested what so ever.
hahaha. oh well. just thought id put that out there.
hahaha. i found this quite hilarious.
always using song lyrics & crap to be like "hey look, i like the stuff you like"
yah. my point is, it's just really annoying & i don't understand what makes her think it's ok.
it's just a little funny to me. b/c he's definitely NOT interested what so ever.
hahaha. oh well. just thought id put that out there.
hahaha. i found this quite hilarious.
sent to jeremy today
God has really been speaking to me through you lately.
it's kind of freaking me out but at the same time it's awesome because i KNOW that it's god.
i mean last week i wasn't even going to show up cuz i heard i wasn't playing. i thought i'd take a week off or whatev. i ended up going cuz i had to be at the church for some july 3rd video and figured i'd stop by.
your sermon Then called right out to me! but then, like i said, i made a decision. there wasn't really a stirring in my heart, but i knew what was right and what was wrong and what God said i needed to do. but even after that, i've been staying up all night just freaking out and getting lost in my problems a lot. but even through that, i've been reading my word a lot more. and the pastor's sermon really called out to me today.
from the death of mother to the lust issues/ Even the cursing and occasional cigs. all of that was really in my heart and i felt god telling me this isn't what he called me for.
i still feel him telling me what he wants me to be. he wants me to be some sort of pastor and speak his word, but i feel like i really haven't been living like he wants me to live. and when i was praying at that altar by myself, i really just cried out to him and asked for forgiveness and comfort and guidance. i really just want to be want he wants me to be. and when you came over and basically prayed everything that i cried out to god for him to do word for word, i knew he was really speaking to me.
and i saw you talking to other people so i didn't really go into detail about all this then, but when i said thank you, i really meant it.
thank you so much.
it's kind of freaking me out but at the same time it's awesome because i KNOW that it's god.
i mean last week i wasn't even going to show up cuz i heard i wasn't playing. i thought i'd take a week off or whatev. i ended up going cuz i had to be at the church for some july 3rd video and figured i'd stop by.
your sermon Then called right out to me! but then, like i said, i made a decision. there wasn't really a stirring in my heart, but i knew what was right and what was wrong and what God said i needed to do. but even after that, i've been staying up all night just freaking out and getting lost in my problems a lot. but even through that, i've been reading my word a lot more. and the pastor's sermon really called out to me today.
from the death of mother to the lust issues/ Even the cursing and occasional cigs. all of that was really in my heart and i felt god telling me this isn't what he called me for.
i still feel him telling me what he wants me to be. he wants me to be some sort of pastor and speak his word, but i feel like i really haven't been living like he wants me to live. and when i was praying at that altar by myself, i really just cried out to him and asked for forgiveness and comfort and guidance. i really just want to be want he wants me to be. and when you came over and basically prayed everything that i cried out to god for him to do word for word, i knew he was really speaking to me.
and i saw you talking to other people so i didn't really go into detail about all this then, but when i said thank you, i really meant it.
thank you so much.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
a comment i posted on jeremy's blog
soooo
i’m feeling kinda weird talking about this because i’ve wanted to for a while but as much as i know christians aren’t supposed to judge, i know they do. and i don’t want to be.
however at this moment i’m trusting god to deliver me with these things that i struggle with.
i struggle with masturbation, sex, oral. all of that i’ve done and i struggle with even now. i’m blessed t have found a gf who doesn’t place value on that like my other ones have however we still mess up sometimes. but this is a chick i plan to marry in the future and at this moment i’m deciding not to have sex with her AGAIN until we do get married.
however i know that saying this is a lot easier than actually going through with it. even now i feel like it’s not a “spur of the moment emotion” kind of thing. i’m making a DECISION and sticking to it. so just pray for me and pray that god will see me through this. i know i’m delivered of this, but i’ve been delivered of this before too.
but this is the first time i’m asking to be held accountable. so please keep me in your prayers mr. jeremy.
i’m feeling kinda weird talking about this because i’ve wanted to for a while but as much as i know christians aren’t supposed to judge, i know they do. and i don’t want to be.
however at this moment i’m trusting god to deliver me with these things that i struggle with.
i struggle with masturbation, sex, oral. all of that i’ve done and i struggle with even now. i’m blessed t have found a gf who doesn’t place value on that like my other ones have however we still mess up sometimes. but this is a chick i plan to marry in the future and at this moment i’m deciding not to have sex with her AGAIN until we do get married.
however i know that saying this is a lot easier than actually going through with it. even now i feel like it’s not a “spur of the moment emotion” kind of thing. i’m making a DECISION and sticking to it. so just pray for me and pray that god will see me through this. i know i’m delivered of this, but i’ve been delivered of this before too.
but this is the first time i’m asking to be held accountable. so please keep me in your prayers mr. jeremy.
Unconditional Love
I tried to look up something to help me describe this feeling that i have, but i couldn't find anything, so i'll just wing it.
i'm currently in love with this girl. last night she brought a word to my attention that describes the sort of love we share for each other: "unconditional."
now this is a term usually used for god and his love for us, but i also believe that in mirroring that sort of love we can find the basis for a true long lasting relationship.
no matter what happens, at the end of the day i know i love her and that she loves me. we have our problems that we have to deal with that are out of our control. honestly it would be easier if we weren't together. but that's where the unconditional love comes into play. i love her too much to just take the easy way out. if it gets hard, then that's too damn bad. i wouldn't give her up for anything. i'm sure that's how she feels as well. otherwise she would've dropped me a long time ago.
i also believe that understanding is an extremely key part of any relationship. i honestly believe that there is no one on this planet who understands me better than she. and with that understanding, i've found a sense of relief. that sort of relief is another thing that keeps me with her. i don't have to be on edge or worry about her and other guys or anything of the sort. i can honestly relax and know that i'm hers and she's mine.
and with that sort of relief, unconditional love comes easy.
maybe i'm just ranting. i don't know. but i do know that i've found true love. i've found unconditional love and i praise god for it.
i'm happy.
i'm currently in love with this girl. last night she brought a word to my attention that describes the sort of love we share for each other: "unconditional."
now this is a term usually used for god and his love for us, but i also believe that in mirroring that sort of love we can find the basis for a true long lasting relationship.
no matter what happens, at the end of the day i know i love her and that she loves me. we have our problems that we have to deal with that are out of our control. honestly it would be easier if we weren't together. but that's where the unconditional love comes into play. i love her too much to just take the easy way out. if it gets hard, then that's too damn bad. i wouldn't give her up for anything. i'm sure that's how she feels as well. otherwise she would've dropped me a long time ago.
i also believe that understanding is an extremely key part of any relationship. i honestly believe that there is no one on this planet who understands me better than she. and with that understanding, i've found a sense of relief. that sort of relief is another thing that keeps me with her. i don't have to be on edge or worry about her and other guys or anything of the sort. i can honestly relax and know that i'm hers and she's mine.
and with that sort of relief, unconditional love comes easy.
maybe i'm just ranting. i don't know. but i do know that i've found true love. i've found unconditional love and i praise god for it.
i'm happy.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
today
mother's funeral was absolutely beautiful.
crystal got to go.
i'm being sociable.
i love my family.
i'm gonna miss mother.
a lot.
one god.
crystal got to go.
i'm being sociable.
i love my family.
i'm gonna miss mother.
a lot.
one god.
Monday, May 5, 2008
I just
had another one of those stupid dreams.
this time it was andrea, my gay friend i went to summer camp with.
she's a carpet muncher! lol WTF
this time it was andrea, my gay friend i went to summer camp with.
she's a carpet muncher! lol WTF
Sunday, May 4, 2008
BRAIN IS FOR LOVERS
i love NERD.
KANYE WEST was awesome.
LUPE killed it as well of course.
rihanna...? i liked her band! but wasn't to excited for her.
glad i went with everybody (tamar, herbie, patience, crystal, sarah b, jamie r)
glad i met up with devin and trisha.
glad i had a good time.
:]
ps. bow wow and chris brown were randomly on stage with NERD which was awesome but random and crunk at the same time.
KANYE WEST was awesome.
LUPE killed it as well of course.
rihanna...? i liked her band! but wasn't to excited for her.
glad i went with everybody (tamar, herbie, patience, crystal, sarah b, jamie r)
glad i met up with devin and trisha.
glad i had a good time.
:]
ps. bow wow and chris brown were randomly on stage with NERD which was awesome but random and crunk at the same time.
Glow in the dark...?
tis today my friends,
and i plan on enjoying it.
unrelated, i had a nightmare. 2 actually. one i was actually scared to the point where i woke up. i was looking for something and i went into this room and i heard this blood curdling scream and it freaked me out!
and another dream i had, i was at some chorus kinda thing and me and...taylor were totally gonna bang. i hate to say it cuz that would never happen. and guess what? it didn't. we got to the room and i was like "...no. i can't. i love crystal too much." and then mrs. winner walked in and i totally like the pro i am talked and lied my way out of trouble. then i woke up.
i keep having dreams like that though where i almost have sex with someone in my dream and then DON'T cuz crystal EVEN IN MY DREAMS is always on my mind.
is that bad?
idk
maybe cuz of those F*****g pictures she sent me... ;]
----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Rock Star
via FoxyTunes
and i plan on enjoying it.
unrelated, i had a nightmare. 2 actually. one i was actually scared to the point where i woke up. i was looking for something and i went into this room and i heard this blood curdling scream and it freaked me out!
and another dream i had, i was at some chorus kinda thing and me and...taylor were totally gonna bang. i hate to say it cuz that would never happen. and guess what? it didn't. we got to the room and i was like "...no. i can't. i love crystal too much." and then mrs. winner walked in and i totally like the pro i am talked and lied my way out of trouble. then i woke up.
i keep having dreams like that though where i almost have sex with someone in my dream and then DON'T cuz crystal EVEN IN MY DREAMS is always on my mind.
is that bad?
idk
maybe cuz of those F*****g pictures she sent me... ;]
----------------
Now playing: N.E.R.D - Rock Star
via FoxyTunes
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
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