I'm Yours

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more,
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved

So I won't hesitate no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'ma saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved

I won't hesitate no more,
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm you

No please, don't complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No please, don't hesitate
no more,
It cannot wait
The sky is yours!

so after venting

i do feel a bit better.
that n.e.r.d. song helps.
idk these upcoming weeks are gonna be hard and i'm NOT lookin forward to em.
...
shit happens.
just blow it off.

BREAKOUT

IT JUST HAPPENED
SO WHAT
BUT THEY’RE ALL LAUGHING
WHAT’S UP
WHY THE TEARS
HAVE NO FEAR
WE ARE HERE FOR YOU
BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN NO ONE CARES

IF YOU FEEL JUST LIKE I FEEL (PUSH PEOPLE)
EVERYTHING’S PLASTIC, NOTHING’S REAL
FUCK YOUR LAWS, MY FATE’S NOT SEALED
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL
HEY, JUST LET THE BULLSHIT PASS
OR WE’LL SKATEBOARD YOUR ASS
GOT MY BALLS
MY WHEELS
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL

BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT
BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAK AWAY (PUSH PEOPLE)

ALL YOU CAN BE IS JUST YOU
‘CAUSE YOU’RE REAL, NOT THE PLASTIC TYPE
BUT REALITY SETS IN, YOU’RE STUCK IN THIS PLASTIC LIFE

WHY THE TEARS
WE’RE ALL HERE FOR YOU
BUT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I DO CARE

IF YOU FEEL JUST LIKE I FEEL (PUSH PEOPLE)
EVERYTHING’S PLASTIC, NOTHINGS REAL
FUCK YOU LAWS, MY FATE’S NOT SEALED
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL
HEY JUST LET THE BULLSHIT PASS
OR WE’LL SKATEBOARD YOUR ASS
GOT MY BOMBS
MY WHEELS
WE’RE JUST DANCING NO BIG DEAL

BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT
BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAKOUT, BREAK AWAY (PUSH PEOPLE)

SHIT HAPPENS, JUST BLOW IT OFF
MAN, WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL RIGHT
RIGHT, YEA
HEY, SHIT HAPPENS, JUST BLOW IT OFF
YEA, WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL RIGHT
RIGHT, YEA

JUST AS LONG AS WE GOT THE SAME THING IN OUR VEINS
YOU AND I, WE ARE BOTH THE SAME
I’LL BAIL YOU OUT, SHOW YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD SEE
ONE LOVE, N.E.R.D.
PEACE

so to explain how i feel...

pissed.

i'm pissed at everything around me.

i don't feel like goin anywhere. i don't feel like doin anything.

and what is the root of this emotion?
let's vent, shall we?:
*i'm working 3day weeks now which totally sucks for my paycheck
*my tv broke today
*crystal is leaving me for like 2 weeks and won't be back for her entire spring break
*crystal's dad hates me and will totally let her go to fucking florida with some random bitch but won't let her go to church with me
*my final fantasy XI won't work s i waisted like a good hundred bucks on it
*i still haven't been refunded by jcpenney
*herbie and patience's relationship is honestly pissing me off with how stupid they both act to each other and it's just aggravating having to be the middle man
*crystal is still grounded and i don't know when i'll see her next and i hate it and it makes me really angry and i'm tired of having to sneak off and meet her in secret and just having to plot out our next meeting makes me so exasperated and i'm really tired of it
*people in church are starting to get on my nerves
*i'm starting to feel lonely again
*i'm not in college nor have i done anything to get me there


so yea. alot.

so i haven't just written in a while...

let's see....
jabbawockeez won america's best dance crew, which is ok since they were my second favorite.

bonnie, me, and oglesby are hangin out tonight. we're prolly just gonna f around.

me and crys are doin great.
today marks us being together for 6 months.
longest one yet for me.
i couldn't be happier.

i love her just as much now if not more than i did when i first told her.
and that's the way it oughta be.

i went and made a playlist of some of my favorite songs and picked my favorite artists out of those...
which are....

The Cool Kids
Kanye West
Kenna
N.E.R.D.
OneRepublic
Gnarls Barkley
L'Arc-en-Ciel
Justin Timberlake
Timbaland
Timbaland And Magoo
Crown Jewels
Joao Gilberto
Antonio Carlos Jobim
Steely Dan
Spymob
Black Star
Kylie Minogue
Teriyaki Boyz
The Clipse
Foo Fighters
John Mayer
Chromeo
Lupe Fiasco
Dir en Grey

just to give a hint at how diverse my taste is as of now...

look em up if ur interested. if you're not not disappointed, then you'll just think i'm insane. :]

prototype?

i hope that you're the one
if not,
you are the prototype
we'll tiptoe to the sun
and do thangs
i know you like

today must be my lucky day
baby
you are the prototype
let's do somethin out of the ordinary
like catch a matinèe
baby
you are the prototype

if we happen to part
Lord knows I dont want that
but hey
we can't be mad at God
we met today for a reason
I think im on the right track now


i think im in love...again
i think im in love...again
i think im in love...again

ZOCK ON!

so today was fun

i woke up and she was there which was a pleasant surprise. i mean WHOA.

well today was steak and BJ day.

i didn't get any steak....

unless there's steak in the stu mom made. i'm excited to go eat.
lol

i hope everything's ok with my baby though.

----------------
Now playing: Wale - Back In The Go Go Ft. Bun B, Pusha T & Tre
via FoxyTunes

Good day? i think so.

i got to hang out with her so i'm totally fine.
i have her Ipizzod so i'm updatin it now.
church was...ok?
i dunno. i was really tired and dozed off.
i saw nicole though! that was random.
i think hope wants my nuts so HARD. like seriously.

friday, i wanna love in ya mouth.
you totally know this already.
and u know ur good at it. i dunno why this was up for any sort of debate.
mwahahahahahaha!
lol jk...kinda...

well. she's got me lovestoned. man i swear she's bad and she knows.
i think that she knows.
she got angel eyes with a babyface.
i want my momma and daddy to meet her. maybe have my baby.
they keep talkin about ya bcuz they can't keep up with your pace.
your my SUPERFREAK. :]

mwahahahaha
lol jk. actually no. not at all.

had a dream my dad died instead of stephen...

and it hurt real bad.
i don't know why i had the dream. it was so random.
and horribly sad. like i wanted to believe so hard that he was alive,
but we had just come from his funeral. and it really kicked it when i worked the next day that my dad died.
it was one of the suckiest dreams of my life.

also had a dream i was running from crazy black people.

odd morning.

oh well. off to work and possibly college with jr?

iSEX

i'm silently losing my mind.
it's becoming harder to control.
like holding this urge back is killing me.

I WANNA FUCK SOMETHING!!

best unknown hip-hop joint ever

Can you let me know?

Hold hands in public
I does it, cool
I dug it
Everything you do
And everything you doesn't
Everything you done
Hope I'm the one you does it to
Hope this trick goes wrong
And I'm cut in two
So I can feel it twice as much as two Lu's
To lose is something that I never wanna do
I'm too loose to check on this track like choo
Choose, to choose, I'd rather have you
Even if it's half
And I'll even hold for the whole if I have to
But I don't wanna one
That's too close to none, come
But get rid of the gun
It's covered in clues
The one that you used
To kill off the player inside
And I brought back some flowers from the funeral for you
You should come and make moves with a brother like uh

i know i would've been here...

well i'm kinda freakin out in general

cuz i feel like i'm doing the same shit all over again.
and i have all this pent up frustration and i don't know what to do with it.
she was pissed last night and i could tell.
i feel like a dickhole.
what should i do?
i am depressed.
well i won't say i'm depressed. i don't quite know how i feel right now...
my head hurts...again...
i just wish things weren't so shitty already and i could just deal with one thing at a time
but everything is happening at once...
i think i'm gonna message jeremy...

well i'm kinda freakin out about tomorrow

"but it's cool.
it could be better.
i don't care.
whatever..."
- Cee-lo Green of Gnarls Barkley

The new Gnarls is off the hook

i'm missing her hardcore. especially since i haven't talked to her in 2 days.
i don't even know what's going on with her.
if anything bad happened...
i'm worried about her...

i'm worried about grant. i'm wearing some sort of blue.
i have to draw a tat for him.
he wants his bro's initials.

dunno if crys is comin with me....
AHHHH
i wanna scream

Kaba Modern is my favorite dance crew ever
i hope they make it through.
their thriller dance was sicknasty!
hardcore
....
....
......
....
....
dunno how to end this...
....
....
i guess i just will....

ALL THE GIRLS STANDING IN A LINE FOR THE BATHROOM

stupid people make me mad

ok wait.
about cyrena's pics.

i just saw a bulletin that said
DON'T LEAVE DEROGATORY COMMENTS/MESSAGES OR I'LL DELETE YOU

ok if ur dressed like a whore and taking whore pics...how do u expect people to NOT leave comments like that. SERIOUSLY.

stupid people make me mad. you know this.

i'm praying

for grant and his family.

i'm glad he's doing better though.

god help him

all i want is you

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

i guess there's a reason for it...

G: so, you seem pretty down lately. watsup?
J:...alot
crystal's been grounded for like the past 2 months so i NEVER see her
i'm always at friggin church cuz i do everything there. i'm in the band, i'm in like 3 choirs...ugh...sucks
and i work all the friggin time
and i'm just getting more and more pissed off.
i think i might snap on somebody soon.
G: hm, i'm sorry.
well maybe you should like chill with the whole church thing. cuz i mean what's the point of being there if you don't enjoy it anymore? plus you're already uber involved, so maybe dropping one activity or two might not hurt...
me and you should hang out soon on one of your free days. i'll help you relax :] maybe this next weekend? if you're not busy w/ all that stuff that is.
J: well it's not that i don't enjoy it,
it's just i'm losing time for myself.
cuz when i'm there, most of the time i love it. i love playing guitar! i love to sing!
but i get home and just make myself frustrated
idk alot of the stuff ended this weekend so maybe i'll have time to myself...
well...the days i'm not working anyways...
which is sunday...
when i'll probably have a rehearsal...
F!
G: i gotcha. well then hopefully things wil wind down a little soon.
aw pobresito.
haha f. you're cute.
so is sunday the only day you have off?
J: sort of...
i have church all day on sunday...
so no freetime this week
G: hm, well isn't that a stinker. well hopefully i'll see you soon. maybe wednesday, if i'm not at the hospital.
J: ya i know
i'm prayin for u about that one
hope everything gets better for u over there.
i guess i'm pretty much stuck in my angry frustrated state that i'm in.
G: yea, she is looking better tho. she started chemo a couple days ago too.
haha well i hope that gets better for you too.
J: oh i do too. trust.
well besides all that, how's ur life?
G: well besides school sucking. and my brothers being douches. and the ocational ass beating. and the constant feeling of failure and loneliness. and being forcibly medicated again. and these bad bad urges/cravings i've been getting a lot recently. i've been pretty dandy.
J: well that sounds pretty dandy.
lol jk
but seriously. yea i'm sorry it's not too happy around there. tough it out babe. what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. whatever you do, don't use it as a crutch. use what you're going through as a reason to look for strength and guidance through HIM.
feel me?
i know it's hard. i'm struggling myself actually. so i totally feel ya.
tough it out. it's all we can do.
i think deep down, ur stronger than u think u are. ;]
G: yea, i've been working pretty hard on all of that. it's just hard with other ppl constantly tearing me down. but only two years and im out. that'll solve atleast 1/3 of my problems.

i've been trying to look at my life more positivelly too, and really appreciate the beautiful things. it's amazing what you come to realize when you just reflect a little.

i've been wanting to get more in touch with my spirituality, but idk i guess i would just feel like a total hypocrite. like that last time i went to church w/ the cross it sucked cuz i wanted to be relieved and i wanted to stop all those things but i knew i wouldn't. i mean, i haven't yet and i don't want to, but i just feel like any moment now i'm just gonna give in and throw it all away. i know i'm better than all this. i'm above it, but man.

let's hope you're right. and we both get through it.
J: well if u woulda come wed, u woulda heard jeremy talk about it.
all of us pretty much went back and struggled with what we were saved of. we struggle with the temptations and sometimes we give in.
however that night, if not any other, we found that our new identity is in christ. he died so that we could be forgiven for the things that we struggle with.
so ur not a hypocrite. i'm right there with you hon.
but yea. i'm headed to bed.
crystal couldn't talk to me so i'm just gonna clock out tonight.
i love you

I've just been thinking alot lately

something about hearing people blatantly disrespecting god just makes my stomach uneasy.

recently i've been reading alot of blogging, literature, etc. online about people's opinions on god. from myspace quizzes to the official kkk website(which is a complete blast!). but what makes me uneasy is people's either blatant disrespect or misinterpretation of god and his word. i've just seen a lot of cases where people either twist it into something completely wrong or just reject it forcefully.

some of these people, however, are people i like to call my friends. or at the least acquaintances. and sometimes it's just really hard for me to be around people like that. but i also feel as if i can't just look down on them or abandon them simply because they share different beliefs than i do. i feel as if i should respect their opinion and just stand strong in the word that i know to be true and stay strong in the god that i know to be faithful so that when they come to me with questions, i can know what i'm talking about and have a well versed educated answer for them to chew on, so to speak. at the least, they can see that there's something different about me.

but it's hard for me. thinking about things like this make me uneasy for some reason. it's hard to be in the world sometimes and not be OF it. i'm not the perfect example. i'm not a good example in my opinion. my friends/acquaintances know this to be true as well.

pray for me. i'm trying to be strong, but it's hard for me. it's really hard to have the right answer all the time.

there's no real point to this i suppose. just had to get this off of my chest.

RUN!