Ephah (Moment of Clarity)

this is all a result of me going to a conference today, completely paid for as well as free meals. God blessed me on this one. i thank God for providing me with the opportunity to go as well as the revelations that he's provided within me.
Hallelujah and EPHAH!
lol
but seriously, i meant that.
moving on:
well in my life, i'm unhappy. not gonna lie to you. being a christian isn't easy. whoever told you it was is a doggone LIAR and is goin STRAIGHT to Hell, God bless 'em. lol
I've been battling it OUT in my mind, man. it's hard doing the right thing when you KNOW that doing the wrong thing would be SO easy and simple and what not.
but honestly, it wouldn't be simple. it wouldn't be easy. yes it would be for that momentary satisfaction, but that satisfaction is temporary. i'm not lookin for nothin temporary at this point in my life. i'm looking for long lasting things. long lasting friendships, relationships, careers, financial security. i'm thinking about ALL that.
so for me to fall into this momentary satisfaction just because it'd feel good, or because everybody else is doing it and they seem to be doin ok, that's incredibly stupid of me.
if i were to do things based on OTHER PEOPLE, that's me telling God, "Hey dude. you cool and all, and i love you, but i'm gonna not listen to you when you actually TELL me something and sorta do my own thing. but hey, i'm a be back!"
ok so maybe some of my caucasian friends aren't comfortable with this word, but I am and until God convicts me of it, i'm using it until my DYING day.
that's acting like a real NIGGA. i'm not talkin about like my nigga Markus, or Aaron or nothin like that.
I'm talkin about that nigga that stole yo tv! that's the nigga YOU bein when you treat God like that.
the church is startin to act like some REAL niggaz up in here and i know God doesn't like it.
I'm guilty of it myself. i mean i don't necessarily plan and plot to sin, but when it happens, i mess up and i didn't necessarily fight it. that's still actin like a nigga.
we need to quit actin like some niggaz.
AMEN?
maybe that was a little to real for some folks. let's tone it down.

ok so in my life, like i said, i'm unhappy. i want things that i can't have immediately. i wan't a relationship i can't have, although i'm pretty glad to be unhappy when it comes to that. y'all need to look up some frank sinatra if you don't feel me there. that dude speled it out pretty clearly.

but continuing,

i want to sin when i know it's the wrong thing to do. i want to QUIT sometimes when it gets hard. even after i know what God has laid on my heart, i still feel that urge to just GIVE UP. it get's so hard. especially when you held in a position where you have to hold an example. you have to keep yourself doing the right thing in order to inspire and motivate others. right?
well i'm a tell you right now, that mess is HARD!
i'm not a perfect person. i screw up a lot. i try not to, but i still end up doing the things i hate to do.
but thank the Lord i also find my inspiration in Romans 7 and 8.
y'all don't know, you betta ask somebody!
God already knows. but thank the Lord for his mercy and grace or i wouldn't even be able to write this here for ya.
i feel like the devil is comin at me hard because i finally realized what i wanted to do for the kingdom. (you don't know? see previous post)
it was really confirmed today when Perry specifically said, "it's that thing that you think about when you're NOT sleeping at night." God's laid it out plain and clear for me. so why then do i wanna go backwards knowing this?
simple. it's the sin that's in me as a result of the world we're in.
but thank the Lord that i have the Holy Spirit fighting that same sin inside of me telling me what's right and what i gotta do.

so what now?
now i'm restoring relationships. i'm strengthening friendships. i'm speaking the word to others and praying over people's lives! i'm not where i want to be yet, but i have this newfound moment of clarity that i pray lasts.
we are caled to be his witnesses no matter WHAT we do.
so at work, i gotta be a witness.
at BestBuy when i'm out buying my anime, i gotta be a witness.
When that friend comes to me needing the word and asking for inspiration, i GOTS to be that witness.
EPHAH
i have to be that witness wherever i go and live the life that God's called me to live. no matter what. NO compromise (Rorschach).
too many times we as Christians play the, "oh it's not that bad" card. you know what that is?
being LUKEWARM.
know what God said he was gon' do?
SPIT YOU OUT HIS MOUTH.
i understand him. if there's one thing i can't stand, it's a passive person.
look, you're either here with me, or there with me. period. i'll do what the bible says and RID MYSELF of you if you that "ehhhh idk" person in my life. all you're doing is holding me back and i'm ready to get SERIOUS.

if you don't know, u better ask somebody.

but yea, i just can't be doin this whole passive thing anymore. i'm Hot. as of now, i ain't coolin down.
y'all need someone who can be hot with ya, i'll be there for ya.
and i'll also join you in your walk with Christ.
HAHA get it?
....no?
ok nvm

If there's anything i've notice about 2009, is that it is sucking for EVERYBODY.
if you're life is perfect and you crap daisies, this ain't for you.
this year, i can honestly say, has been the worst year in my life so far. why is that? because i somewhere along the line either lost focus or did NOT shift with God when he asked me to.
but you know what, last year was my best year ever. and bit by bit, God is restoring that happiness to me. He's restoring broken and strained relationships and eliminating ones that distract us from Him.
seeing this happen before my eyes is absolutely inspiring.

but yea. Basically, JJ's been inspired by the people at Spring Waters's love for Christ and their reckless abandon for Him and he's jumpin on the freaking bus. here. where he's at. RIGHT now.

yea, i may be technically unhappy. yea, there are some things that have come up recently that have me hurt and down no matter how i try to fight it. however, i don't FIND my foundation in those things.
I have my foundation in my Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

so you know what?

i'm OK.

forget all that mess. i'm 'a be ok.
heck, i'm ok right now, thank the Lord. i got breath in my body, clothes on me, a place to sleep, something to drive, friends that have my back, family that supports me, etc.
I'm good folks.

and that's my moment of clarity, however spazzed out and misconstrued it may sound, this is my heart right now.
thank the Lord for my ability to at least articulate somewhat how i feel.

shout out to Danee for inviting me.
shout out to b-dette for puttin up with the back seat of that bus. haha
shout out to the two ladies i met today who originally seemed like nice little white ladies who taught elementary students who actually ended up being really funny. lol
shout out to AB. "wuduyahavewuduyahave??"
shout out to Ashten for texting me when i about fell asleep. lol
shout out to Billy Langley. YES, i know about MLK. there's just some bondage in me that hasn't been BROKEN yet!! lol
EPHAH to Markus.